You know the 'Dead or Alive' (no pun intended) '80s pop song 'You Spin Me Right Round'?

Well so does the band-leader in this worship video clip. And he's taken a startling liberty with the lyric.

The thing is, where is the biblical foundation for this act of worship? Jesus may have worn sandals, but never wore socks with them. Not because he's too cool - but because they simply weren't invented yet.

Watch the video clip

Catchy, though: 

"Put your hands in the a-yur
Wave 'em like you just don't cay-ur...
Grab your partner, doh-see-doh...
We're having a Holy Spirit hoe-down"

 

(Trouble seeing the video using the above link? Go straight to YouTube)

How much will some companies pay for product placement in a movie?

Well, one Italian movie company couldn't give it away. They weren't even able to show the ultimate user - Jesus - using one of the world's leading global brands, Coke.

In the film 7 Km da Gerusalemme (7km From Jerusalem), according to Cinematical, "a Milanese ad exec... having a midlife crisis... makes a pilgrimmage to the Holy Land and ends up running into Jesus. He gives him a ride in his Jeep, and then offers the son of God a Coke. While Jesus is drinking he puns: "My God, what a testimonial!"

Went down like a lead balloon with the Coca-Cola Company, who believed this gave their product a 'negative image'. They promptly launched a lawsuit against the movie's producers.

Cinematical continues:

"A Coca Cola Italia spokesperson says: "We are not interested in this kind of product placement." Maybe if he offered Jesus a Coke on the cross, that could be seen in bad taste, but just a simple act of quenching thirst? The legal action has resulted in the film losing its distribution with Mediafilm, who was going to capitalise on Easter by releasing it this Friday (Good Friday). Now, they're trying to get the soda giant's lawyers to change their minds. Heck, even the church isn't perturbed by this, as reports say that the film was well-received by the Vatican."

Seems to me Coca Cola has a few more things to think about than Jesus having a quick swig. You'd think they'd prefer to have God on their side.

Watch movie trailer.

An Italian priest has been thwarted after publicising his plans (whch zipped round the world, whether he liked it or not) to hold an online beauty pageant for nuns.

And no, I haven't been nipping at the communion wine: it's true. Apparently Father Antonio Rungi hoped that the pageant would reverse stereotypes of nuns as ugly (his ideal nun is, apparently, Sofia Loren, who played a nun in the 1971 movie White Sister) and draw more people into his church near Naples. He had even hoped that, one day, the contest would be big enough to leave his blog and become part of the Miss Italia pageant.

According to the Daily Mail, one of many newspapers which gleefully reported the story, "It will be up to them whether they choose to pose with the traditional veil or with their heads uncovered. Reverend Rungi assured that contestants would not wear swimsuits or revealing outfits because it was inner beauty that counted...' yet, on the other hand, 'External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it.' "

Father Rungi had asked nuns to email their photos to him (ahem) and he was to run the contest on his blog, starting this month.

However, he began receiving emails: "I have had some e-mails from Christians who perhaps have not grasped the evangelising spirit of the initiative," he said. And finally, his bishop stepped in. According to Reuters, ""My superiors were not happy. The local bishop was not happy, but they did not understand me either."

I think Father Rungi may be a bit bored and a bit lonely. All that time sitting around writing his blog - he should be taking a nightclass, getting a pet, taking up a hobby. Perhaps his diocese could have a whip-round for a few jigsaws and some cane chairs in need of restoration?

As for you, if your mind's still resolutely fixed on nuns, you'll have to make do with a spot of nun-chucking.

 

Hot on the waving paws of the worshipping cat (prior post) comes the dancing cockatoo: Frosty, the platinum blonde, 20-year-old Bare-Eyed Cockatoo, struts her stuff (see YouTube clip) to the beat of a Christian gospel song on the radio.

If only all Christian dance was as watchable.

 

 

 

Gosh, there's rather more out there about what Jesus would do than I reckoned. And I thought all I needed to know about the Son of Man was right here in my Bible.

I've now encountered the blog, What Would Jesus Brew?: "In a bold move toward being more Christ-like I am going to delve into the wondrous world of drink-making… that is, brewing... as a follower of Christ I am excited by the renowned group of spiritual giants that my beer-making and beer-consumption will put me in company with. My church just started a group called Theology @ the Taproom where we discuss theology and drink great beer."

I have to join this group!

And lest you think this looks too little like the Narrow Way, the author points out:

• Saint Gall was a missionary to the Celts and a renowned brewer
• After Charlemagne’s reign, the church became Europe’s exclusive brewer
• When a young woman was preparing for marriage, her church brewed a special bridal ale, from which we derive the word bridal
• Pastor John Calvin’s annual salary included upwards of 250 gallons of wine to be enjoyed by him and his guests
• Martin Luther once wrote of the Reformation, “While I sat still and drank beer with Philip and Amsdorf, God dealt the papacy a mighty blow.”
• Luther’s wife Catherine was a skilled brewer, and his love letters to her when they were apart lamented his inability to drink her beer
• When the Puritans landed at Plymouth Rock, the first permanent structure they erected was a brewery.

Well, Ripon's own cathedral holds an annual beer festival and flogs its own home-brew...

Somehow I had Jesus pegged as a Windows kind of a guy - in a down-with-the-masses sort of a way. But 29-year-old developer Jereme Hancock reckons Jesus would be all for Linux - and has developed the Ubuntu Christian Edition, according to an article at Linux.com

"Along with the standard Ubuntu applications, Ubuntu Christian Edition includes the best available Christian software. The latest release contains GnomeSword," (GnomeSword?) "BibleMemorizer, BibleTime, and much more - including a Virtual Rosary integrated using WINE. [I hope that's communion wine.]

"Ubuntu Christian Edition also includes fully integrated web content parental controls powered by Dansguardian. A graphical tool to adjust the parental control settings has also been developed specifically for Ubuntu Christian Edition. These features are truly what sets Ubuntu Christian Edition apart."

Sadly, due to some problems involving a laptop, the project was suspended just a few months ago - but will be back soon.

I didn't know I ought to have Christian software. So many choices! So many consumer products!

How can I avoid the trap of owning ba'athist bathmats or Mormon mugs? Buddist bud-vases or Rastafarian rugs? Christian Scientist cushions or JW jugs?

Jerome's got me worried. If your operating system can be of a particular persuasion, how do I know my copy of Windows is Christian enough? If I go to Help > About, will I find a statement of faith? What if my copy's just too darn liberal for my tastes - can I upgrade it to Open Evangelical? Maybe Microsoft should start inserting the Nicene Creed into the source code somewhere. I'd hate to think St Peter has a list of serial numbers up there at the Pearly Gates.

 

Words fail me. I've wondered many things about our Lord, but never what Jesus would pasteurise.

 

A few weeks ago this blog featured sightings of Jesus in a tree (or quite a lot of trees, actually).

Is it me? I find this kind of thing hilarious. Jesus is everywhere and so desperate to be real to us, yet half the world's population only seems to be able to interpret Him in a sap stain or a mangled pretzel (and get bids of over $7,000 for said pretzel on eBay!!)

So imagine my delight when I came across a blog entitled What Would Jesus See? It's a repository of these mysterious and tantalisingly fleeting sightings of Jesus... in a rock, a spoon, a beer label, a rotten potato (oh, yes), an X-ray, under a can of driveway sealant (although from the expression, I think that may actually be Judas. Hey, all dark-haired, bearded men look alike...), wallpaper, a pet flap, and a microwaved cellphone. You know, all the usual places Jesus hangs out. And then there's a whole host (geddit) of Virgin Mary sightings.

Why are people so keen to see Jesus everywhere? Because there's money in them-thar hills. That sneaky-looking Jesus under the driveway sealant? The levered-out slab of concrete fetched $1,525.69 on eBay. And "I won't take less than $38,000 for it," said the young lady in New Zealand who found Jesus in a beach pebble. Well, after all, the bridegroom will not always be with us.

I'm off to rifle through a box of mis-shapen biscuits. I may post next from Aruba.

I've really got distracted from my mini-series related to that best-selling tome, Selling Crap to Christians, with the idea of WJWRD (What Jesus Would Really Do). We've had What Would Jesus Sell? and What Would Jesus Buy? (Assuming, of course, that He wasn't too busy buying up all those rubber wrist-bands).

Now, our cars are very dear to our hardened human hearts. So it's gratifying that someone has come up with the definitive answer to the Really Big One: What would Jesus drive?

No doubt each of us hopes our Lord would have the taste and foresight to purchase the same model that graces our own driveway or kerbside. Of course, only a few of us can be fortunate enough to sit at the wheel of the same vehicle favoured by Jesus (just think of the endorsement potential!), and I must admit to cherishing a hope that He might have gone for a black Renault Clio. After all, my diesel model is so creation-friendly, it only costs £35 to tax and I get 52 miles to the gallon.

But no, it was not to be. What Jesus really would drive might surprise you. Find out with this YouTube clip.

Whoa, this one passed me by entirely last year!  There really is a movie called What Would Jesus Buy? - from docu-film maker Morgan Spurlock (Supersize Me) and director Rob Van Alkemade - and you can see the trailer or order the VD at the official WWJB website.

It's a docu-comedy about the American obssession with the consumerisation of Christmas: according to the movie, Americans spend around $455 billion during the Christmas season - with consumer debt running at $2.4 trillion. And 26 million Americans are addicted to shopping.

The fime is the true story of Bill Talen (aka Reverend Billy), a lost idealist who hitchhiked to New York City only to find that Times Square was becoming a mall. Spurred on by the loss of his neighborhood and inspired by the sidewalk preachers around him, Bill bought a collar to match his white caterer's jacket, bleached his hair and became the Reverend Billy of the Church of Stop Shopping. Since 1999, Reverend Billy has gone from being a lone preacher with a portable pulpit preaching on subways, to the leader of a congregation and a movement whose numbers are well into the thousands.

"According to the film’s subject, Reverend Billy," says a review in the New York Times, "the charismatic bleached-blond performance artist and mock evangelist whose real name is Bill Talen... his activism is the real deal, and his mission is to fight what he calls the “shopocalypse,” the buying frenzy Americans indulge in every holiday season. The film takes us on a 2005 cross-country tour with Reverend Billy; Savitri D, his wife and organizer of his Church of Stop Shopping; and the church’s gospel choir. Along the way they deliver their message — that peace and love, not spending, are the true backbone of holiday spirit — through witty speeches and songs to unsuspecting patrons at assorted problem spots like Wal-Mart, the Mall of America and Disneyland."

'Gotta have the Christmas spirit - with some brand new rims [alloys]', says one vox pop in the movie trailer. And a shop assistant said: 'I had a woman about 60 years old cuss me out and spit on me 'cos I didn't have a PS3 for her six-year-old grandson.'

Watch the trailer.

WE JUST MISSED IT!

Tarnation. We just missed out on attending the International Christian Retail Show, as mentioned in my last blog post. It took place on July 13-17 2008 at Orange County Convention Center, Orlando, Florida. From the website:

"You need to be at the International Christian Retail Show. It's the largest show in Christian retail. With over eight football fields of exhibit space filled with new product; almost two dozen training opportunities targeted at specific retail practices and challenges; and more retailers, suppliers, distributors, and industry professionals in Christian retail gathered than any other place in the world, this is your chance to get it done."

("It"?)

The exhibitor list was lengthy and I couldn't be bothered to go to all their websites to see what they sell (sorry) although I do know a lot of it will be very nice stuff, like Bibles and clever t-shirts. But I just wanted to see the funny stuff.

I was tempted by Christian Outdoorsman, however, whose logo seems to feature a fish-hook and a rifle sight and whose website says they "provide apparel for the Christian Outdoorsman, to help him witness his love for the outdoors and the Lord to others." Where else would you get your 'I'm hooked on Jesus' t-shirt?

Further to my last post, about the (sadly) fictional book Selling Crap to Christians for Fun and Profit, I came across this article in the Los Angeles Times entitled, What would Jesus sell? And now I know it's true - they ARE organised.

Journalist Stephanie Simon visited the International Christian Retail Show (we have to know more) and met Milton Hobbs, who's marketing the first Christian perfume for women.

'Virtuous Woman perfume comes packaged with a passage from Proverbs. But what makes the floral fragrance distinctly Christian, Hobbs said, is that it’s supposed to be a tool for evangelism. "'It should be enticing enough to provoke questions: ‘What’s that you’re wearing?’ " Hobbs said. “Then you take that opportunity to speak of your faith. They’ve opened the door, and now they’re going to get it." '

(Moral of that story: never ask a Christian even the most innocent-sounding question.)

After years of steady growth, the Christian retail market notched $4.3 billion in sales in 2004: "[In the USA] There are Christian health clubs, Christian insurance agencies and Christian tree trimmers (who advertise in Christian business directories). There are Christian alternatives for the most unlikely mainstream products: gangsta rap, shoot-‘em-up video games, sweatbands, playing cards, scrapbook supplies, children’s pajamas."

This blog will try to bring you more on the Christian version of the American Girl dolls (a retail phenomenon). The article says: 'A Life of Faith, like American Girl, publishes historical novels featuring spunky girl characters, then turns the heroines into $100 dolls with lavish wardrobes. In the Christian version, the dolls come clutching Bibles; their stories, sprinkled with Scripture, describe how the girls find sustenance in their faith.'

I've just got back from holiday (in Iceland, where it hit an astonishing 84 degrees fahrenheit one day. I don't know what that is in new money). Sadly, I found nothing at all there of a ridiculous religious nature - only beautiful wooden churches and a wonderfully warm and welcoming Salvation Army church in Reykjavik.

But, since this blog loves to feature the most surreal trinkets and novelties aimed at Christians, I have found you a little titbit from closer to home. I came across a book mentioned on a blog and I thought, "They are! They're organised" - all those people who make this stuff. After all, someone designs it, someone approves it (and says "Yup, Christians'll exchange good money for that"), someone agrees to produce it, someone agrees to market it, someone agrees to sell it... surely there must be some kind of trade association?

The book - Selling Crap to Christians for Fun and Profit - may, sadly, not exist. The author's name may be an indication, and I couldn't find further reference to it on the interweb. Bit if there's money to be made, I want a piece of the action, so if you know better...

 

This is turning into quite a series about vicars. We've had the vicar attacked by dive-bombing seagulls, a vicar disguised as a tramp ignored by his congregation, the priest banning pop songs at funerals, and an ex-Bond-girl-turned-vicar.

This time it's a hapless vicar who asked for a toddler to be removed from a wedding ceremony when the wee chap began repeating the groom's name. Only, it turned out to be the bride and groom's soon. They have now complained to the Church of England.

According to Ananova, the vicar "halted the marriage of Ashley and Vicky Thorpe after their son, Cameron, began repeating his father's name. The vicar stunned the 100-strong congregation by halting the service and announcing: "This is a legal ceremony and I cannot proceed with that going on. Will somebody please take him outside?" As the couple stood at the altar in disbelief, Mr Thorpe's grandmother protested that Cameron was not misbehaving. But the vicar said she was 'making a scene' and ordered her to leave, too."

Read a discussion about whether children should be invited to weddings at the BBC website. However, a church is a public place of worship and anyone can attend, whether they've received an official invitation to the festivities afterwards or not.

Suffer, the little children. (As Oscar Wilde once pointed out: it's all in the punctuation.)